Fight the fight

Too many times I find myself getting really excited about something, an idea or a real event, so I talk about it, live it, breathe it all in, and then lose the excitement down the road. Mostly it is because it takes a lot of energy and hard work to carry through what I was most excited for in the first place.

I just got back from Indiana last night. It was a whirlwind of a trip where I saw a lot of people in a short amount of time. It was really good for me, but I did find myself surprised by what I was telling people.

I am a verbal processor when I am with a small group of people. So if you already know me you know that I can talk your ear off. I found myself talking a lot about the church plant with my friends. The thing that surprised me was my realization that I was very apathetic in a lot of ways with where the church is. To me that's a very dangerous place to be and a really easy way for Satan to come on in and destroy my excitement and joy with the church plant. So as I was processing with some friends I shared that I didn't realize how hard it is to fight for what God has placed on my heart. He brought me out here to Eugene for a reason, didn't say it would be easy, but I was obedient in the calling and went. 4 months later I am in a very lukewarm place where I was fighting the fight for the church plant. I was really good at putting excuses into play to not fight. Such as I was too busy with choir stuff, school was crazy, and everything else. Truth is, we are all really good at hiding behind the core issue of what is really deep down inside of us. Mine was my time, selfishness, laziness to fight, etc.

So my prayer is to continue to dig down in my own heart the stuff that kept me from experiencing what God wants me to experience out here. I pray that I, as well as the whole team, will not stop fighting for why we came out here. It's easy to lose sight of that when you are in the midst of it.

Much love and happy new year!!
Stacie :)

Random thoughts from Denver, CO

So I'm sitting in my sister's house in Denver getting ready to watch Bourne Ultimatum. I'm not sure which of the Bourne movies is my favorite b/c I think they are all great movies. It really doesn't matter, though, because I'm spending some quality time with my parents, my sisters and my younger sister's husband Mitch. My mom, dad, older sister and I left Saturday and began the trip to Eugene, OR. I'm sure everyone reading this by now knows that we finally sold our house. We got the offer the weekend before Thanksgiving. It was crazy b/c we were one week away from taking the house off the market for the month of December. It had been on the market since late March of 2008 and we just needed a break. I think all in all we showed the house around 45 times. So the offer came at a time when we least expected. Anyway, we landed in Kansas City, KS the first night and Denver last night. We are leaving tomorrow morning again and will try to get somewhere between Salt Lake City and Boise. I don't have much to say other than it's been really good to spend some time with my family. I know that these times will be far more limited after we land in Eugene and the family returns to Indiana. I am so excited to get to Eugene and begin life there. I'm so excited to reunite with my church family in Eugene and begin living into the mission of Jesus with them there. But man, it will be tough being away from my family whom I love so much. These last few days with my family have again reminded me how much I love them and and how grateful I am for their enormous investment into my life. I'm thankful that even despite the sadness of being thousands of miles apart from my family, we will still be united in our love for each other and our common heart and passion for the kingdom of God. I guess that's it for now....it's off to Eugene!

Clint

Out for a Run

There are times during my spiritual journey that I am unexpectedly overcome by amazing truths about who God is. You see, I was out for a run this morning. And what a beautiful morning it was to run. The weather was cool, but not too cold, and there was still a foggy mist that lingered in the woods of Hendrick's Park (the oldest park in Eugene). As I ran up hills and through moss-covered fir trees, I began to realize that all of this beauty is not just for me. I ran by hikers and other runners as they experienced this typical Oregon morning. I had my ipod on and a song started that almost brought me to a standstill so that I could truly meditate on the meaning of it. The song is titled "Hosea" and is sung by a folk duo, Jacob & Lily. The lyrics that captured me went like this:

"You promised me that we'd last forever,
You promised me that we'd stick together,
But your heart is wild,
And your eyes they wander,
Why do I miss you"

Here is the amazing truth that I realized after hearing these words: God is always pursuing us, He is always loving us. Even when I promise to follow Him whole-heartedly, I stumble and my eyes wander from focusing on the cross. And, even when I begin to do my own thing and try to take control of my own life, God misses me...deeply misses me, misses us. He can use a number of ways to remind us of His presence. He can use a song. He can use a beautiful morning and an old park. He can use other people. He can whisper to us through the trees. You see, our Father is always fighting for us, desiring to be in a relationship with us. And this is the story of Hosea. Hosea was a man who was cheated on by his wife and who got his heart broken countless times. But, God tells him to go and redeem his wife from the life she is living. He says to love her as much as he did when he first met her and to forgive her for the hurt she has caused, and to be married to her for the rest of his life. God is always pursuing us. More than anything He wants us to feel His love and to rest in it. I realize that I may not always live up to my promise of sticking with God, but I am thankful for morning runs through mossy trees.

Derek

How I ended up in this deal

I'm watching Jack Van Impe (I mean there's not much on at 12:30 Sunday night) Sometimes I wonder what the "good tv christians" are doing and saying. You know the squeaky clean, white, married couples in slightly out of date suites rattling off verse after verse trying to convince people about Jesus. Nothing personal against them- I think they are trying to do good. But, I just.... they really just make me want to cry. Really- I mean, I think about how many people are out there who have no idea that there is a real God who knows and loves them, and loves them like no human ever has or will. This is a huge thing. And yet all most of them ever see of Him is random people on tv talking about a cross, blood, a manger, and spouting off verses left and right, saying they have all the answers. I see this and think about conversations I've had with people who have been hurt by the church- all of the "Christians" acting nothing like Jesus and I wonder, What chance do people have of meeting the real Jesus? It seems hopeless to me many days, if I'm honest. I know I'm supposed to say that through God anything is possible, and it is but I'm just tired of the same old answers that don't speak to the heart of my generation. Hell, I don't even know what a lot of Christians are talking about anymore. It sounds like a lot of people trying to make themselves sound smart when all it does is push people away.
I know that's incredibly simplified and generalized but I just sick of stupid crap getting in the way of people seeing God. Anybody with me? (I know you're out there!)
Love God.
Love people.
Seriously, let's do it.

-Cj

White Elephant Psych Out

So we did a white elephant gift exchange with some of the mid-western collection of friends we have here. As we waited for Stacie to get back from choir, we wrapped up stuff from her room as our gifts and waited to see how long it would take her to realize it was all her stuff. Hilarious! Anyway we then did a real one. It wasn't AS funny but it was still very fun. Above is the picture with our stuff. Please note the senior pictures of Drew.
It is hard sometimes to be away from friends and family but we really are having fun with our new friends and I'm excited about new holiday traditions as we settle into Eugene and make it our home.
-CJ

Time still goes on

Most of us out here will be experiencing our first holiday away from Indiana this year. I know that will bring different emotions throughout the next few days. You never really know how you are going to deal through a situation until you brace yourself and go through it.

I was having dinner with some of my choir friends on Monday night and one of the ladies told me that she is extremely stressed out. We talked about it for awhile and how extra holiday stuff and work have just gotten to her. But then she surprised me with a beautiful comment. She said "Time still goes on..."

I couldn't agree with that more. Even though we are far away from the ones we love and who we have developed relationships with, time still goes on. But we are not alone. The beautiful picture of community is going to be happening tomorrow. People will be meeting each other and sharing food with one another. Tomorrow is just a small portion of what my heart aches for, community and relationships.

Even though I won't be making a trip to Indiana for this Thanksgiving, I will not be alone. I have a group of people who love me right here in Eugene. Tomorrow is just a small glimpse into living in community. It is something we want to strive to live in not only on special holidays, but everyday. Jesus did not intend for us to be alone.

Pray for us as we live into what it means to be thousands of miles away from family and friends during this holiday season. And say a moment of prayer for all of your friends, who you don't know and do, who may find themselves to be alone and lonely during this holiday season. I do not believe the Kingdom is meant to be living under that. The thief does come to steal and destroy and I will continue to pray against that.

Our hearts are thankful for all of our friends and family far away. We do miss and love you.

Time still goes on...

Much love,
Stacie :)

A Glimpse

Tonight, I saw Jesus smile at me. Well, not literally, well maybe literally. I mean, He wasn't next to me, I had my eyes closed. Actually, I will just try to explain it a little here. We had Church tonight and we began with some worship music. As the singing began I closed my eyes and pictured something. I caught a glimpse of what Jesus might have looked like in His candid times with His disciples. I pictured a man who loves His followers so much. And, for some reason, I pictured Jesus looking back at His Twelve as they walked behind Him and He was smiling, in fact, He is laughing. He is so happy that these men are walking with Him, that they decided to follow Him, listen to His message, and that they are prepared to share it with the world. Oh how I long for the day I get to sit and laugh with Jesus. He is my friend, just one of the guys, you know. But more than that, He is our Redemption. He has saved us all from our struggles, our trials, our complicated life. What joy we have because of Him! We are free because of Him! I often wonder what the scene would be like, being in His presence. What is great is that we are sharing in that now as His Church. Jesus, the man I see laughing, joking, and enjoying His time with the disciples is the same Jesus who eagerly awaits fellowshipping with us in Heaven. Man how my spirit longs for that day! But, I know that He wants me to carry out His teachings here in Eugene for now. He wants me to communicate to others His love, His desire to know them, and His character. I desire for people to see the Jesus I see. I see Jesus as someone who loves me dearly and wants more than anything for me to join Him at the Great Banquet. I feel like I am going to break into the classic Sunday school song,
"Jesus loves me this I know,
this I know,
this I know,
Jesus loves me this I know,
because the Bible tells me so."
Truly though, I know He loves me, not just because of the Bible, but also because in the moment of me closing my eyes, I catch a glimpse of Him looking back at me...smiling.

Derek

An interesting thought...

So today I had the opportunity to spend some time with Jeff, the lead pastor of Common Ground Christian Church. It's always good to sit and rap with him because he always seems to have such good insight. We spent some time processing the reality that our house hadn't sold yet and how it was pretty frustrating for Rachel and I. I described to him how I had disengaged in many ways from life in Indy over the last 2-3 months in light of the expectation that I would soon by in Eugene, or so I thought, and how difficult that had been on me because I would seemingly get my hopes up with each showing on our house only to be let down each time. I shared with him how that had taken a toll on me and that I had recently asked God to give me the grace to engage here and be fully present in Indy until we were released from here. It has been really good to experience God's intervention. I still desire so much to be with my church body in Eugene but the calling is to be continually investing into the kingdom in Indy until God releases us.

After talking about this a little, Jeff said it is similar to how the church should be living on earth in light of the hope of our heavenly dwelling. The church should always have in sight their heavenly dwelling while in their earthly dwelling. In all reality, our hope of a heavenly dwelling should compel us to live more fully into the kingdom while in our earthly dwelling. Paul talks about this earthly and heavenly distinction in 2 Corinthians 5. Specifically in vv. 6-9 Paul says:

Therefore we are always confident and know that as long as we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord. We live by faith, not by sight. We are confident, I say, and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord. So we make it our goal to please him, whether we are at home in the body or away from it.

As I pondered this passage later in the day, I was drawn specifically to verse 9...so we make it our goal to please him, whether we are at home in the body or away from it. Let me just share one question, one observation, and one "so what." The question is this, what does it look like in my life, in your life, and in the life of our church to please God? The observation from this passage is that as Christians it will eternally be our goal to please him. Paul says whether we are at home in the body or away from it.. Pleasing God isn't something we will do only on earth, but for all eternity. The "so what" for me is will I make it my goal to please him whether in Indy or Eugene, whether everything is going my way or life is coming apart all around me, whether I've got plenty or am in need, you get the point. What is the "so what" for you? What is the "so what" for our church? How are you (and we as a church) coming along at making it our goal to please him, ......whether.....or....?

I love you guys and am praying for you!

Clint McKinnis

Dream dreams

I have had beautiful moments with God this week. Last week we were talking about what we could do as a church. I mentioned how lately I have had it on my heart to walk the streets of Eugene like I used to do when I volunteered at Outreach, Inc. in Indy (outreachindiana.org). I experience more of Jesus and the church when I am among people.

A year ago I was telling a friend what would happen if people that followed Jesus started to dream dreams that are bigger then them? That of course only led to more questions. Would the world change? Would our hearts start to transform more into who God wanted us to be? Would we start to see the Church as an everyday thing rather then a one day of the week thing? Can we stop and take God out of our box that we created for Him? Those questions still challenge me today and only lead me to more and more questions...

I daily drive by people that are on street corners holding up signs saying "need help" or "any spare change?" and my heart breaks. And when my heart breaks I start to pray. And those prayers aren't always the normal prayers and usually happen in the privateness of my own heart. My mood challenges the prayers for sometimes I pray with anger and other times I pray prayers of deep compassion for my neighbors on the street.

I want to share something with you about what God has placed on my heart and how sometimes I feel insignificant to do it. I really feel like I need to be walking the streets. Then I thought well I could bring some peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with me. And all of this has stemmed from seeing the signs on the street with my neighbors and friends holding the signs. I shared this with the team and they thought it was a good idea. And I was surprised by how God has already gone before me in this. Sarah said we should bring socks! It's a dream I have...to see people not holding signs on the side of the street. And it's something that God has poured into my heart. Reread the first sentence of this paragraph. I used the word insignificant. I find that word stops me from being used by God and my dreams from becoming a reality. So I fight that and am willing to risk whatever it takes to follow the dreams God places on my heart.

I share all of this to you to not tell you how awesome and mighty I am, because that would be a lie. Reread how I called myself insignificant. But Jesus uses us like he used his disciples. They were ordinary people like you and me and learned how to dream dreams that were bigger then them. It took time, a lot of risks, and faith. They messed up, picked themselves up again, and were continually following what was on their hearts.

I pray you will dream dreams that are bigger then you and see just what Jesus can do in this world.

Much love,
Stacie :)

Edit: One of the best things about living in community is seeing one of your dreams become the dreams of others. It's neat to see God going before us in everything that we do.

Psalm 143

Hello friends! I hope all is going well for you in Eugene. I had such a great time seeing you all 3 weeks ago. It was such a refreshment for Rachel and I. Unfortunately, I have found the air slowly leaking out of my balloon since leaving. What an interesting season that we all are in right now. I'm sure that God is forming us in ways that we could never have expected. My prayer, even though it seems to be rare and often spoken without much confidence, is that I would be faithful....that WE would be faithful to the call. The call to love God and people in the way of Jesus. To so faithfully believe that God has birthed that mission on our hearts for Eugene that nothing would deter us. That our passions, though they manifest themselves in a variety of ways, would be used by God to foster spiritual awakening to His redemptive story. I'm thankful to be in relationship with you all and love you all very much. Know that I pray for you often and yearn for the day that we will be together.

The last two days I've really tried to drink from Psalm 143. I just thought I'd share it with you.

Clint

Psalm 143

O Lord, hear my prayer, listen to my cry for mercy; in your faithfulness and righteousness come to my relief. Do not bring your servant into judgment, for no one living is righteous before you. The enemy pursues me, he crushes me to the ground; he makes me dwell in darkness like those long dead. So my spirit grows faint within me; my heart within me is dismayed. I remember the days of long ago; I meditate on all your works and consider what your hands have done. I spread out my hands to you; my soul thirsts for you like a parched land. Selah

Answer me quickly, O Lord; my spirit fails. Do not hide your face from me or I will be like those who go down to the pit. Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul. Rescue me from my enemies, O Lord, for I hide myself in you. Teach me to do your will, for you are my God: may your good Spirit lead me on level ground. For your name's sake, O Lord, preserve my life; in your righteousness, bring me out of trouble. In your unfailing love, silence my enemies; destroy all my foes, for I am your servant.

Solving the world's problems...

This is what Drew and I do when we get together and have a drink. You see, we are commonly misunderstood as men who just talk about sports. I mean, even if Notre Dame's football team should be ranked, I don't concern myself with being obsessive about that. And, just because the Cubs blew their chances at ending a 100 year drought, I have more important things to discuss with my Yankee-fan-friend. Okay, back to the reason for this blog post. Drew and I seem to always get going about this or that, and before you know it, we end the night with saying, "Well, we just solved some more of the world's problems, good night." In fact, just the other night we had ourselves another epiphany. We began to reflect a little on our time here (it has been nearly 3 months, holy cow!) and wondered how we were doing. Clint and Rachel were here recently and gave us some great encouragement. But, what tends to happen when you are unemployed and have no one else to talk to during the day, you begin to over-analyze, which is weird for me, right? I began to talk about our running group and that it seems like our conversations with people there have cooled a little in the past couple weeks. The obvious question I ask myself is whether it was something I said. But, if you know me, I don't say too much, so I figured it wasn't that. Then, as we dove deeper into our analytical minds, we came up with the hypothesis that maybe it was because they know we are here for a church plant and fear that we will try to convert them the more we talk to them, kinda like the Mormons that visited my apartment last week. Of course, this is not our purpose with the conversations we have. Sure, we want them to love Jesus and to experience His beautiful love and grace, but we also want to be their friends. As we continued this conversation, we started wondering what we can do to bridge the gap between thoughts of bible-thumping and wanting to befriend them. After careful logical deduction, Drew and I discovered that in the first few weeks at our running group, we were new. We were the ones who they did not know, and they did a terrific job at asking us about, well, us. We told them why we moved to Eugene, that we did not have jobs, and that we did not all live in one apartment. What we have failed to do is to return the favor. Initially, we did discover some things about our new acquaintances, but we have not done a good job at following up with them. So often, we make conversations about us, and not about who we are talking to. Whether or not we think they think we are trying to get them to our church thing does not matter. We realized as we sat in the cool Northwestern night that we need to engage them even if it means making ourselves vulnerable. Rob Bell writes in his new book, "Jesus Wants to Save Christians," that, "Remember, God is looking for a body, flesh and blood to show the world a proper marriage of the divine and human." As uncomfortable or awkward that it may be, it is our responsibility to love people as Jesus does. This means engaging them in conversation. There you have it, another of the world's problems solved, or that is what Drew and I claim at least.

Oh, a quick update: We had running group this morning, and through us being a little better at engaging people, we had some pretty good conversations. Thank God He helps us, because I could not do this on my own!

Derek (with compliments to Drew)

Hello Oregonians

I would like to warn you that I have been up since 4 am, I have consumed two containers of chocolate ice cream, and I am polishing off my second pint of whole milk...so as a result I offer no guarantees that this will resemble anything close to coherent.
I would like to offer my apologies for my lack of communication with you all. When Clint and Rachel came back and told me that many of you expected more communication from the management team, I felt very convicted. As a member of the team I should be checking in with you guys much more frequently than what I have. I may be in the hospital because the lower half of my body doesnt seem to work, but emailing and calling on a phone requires only muscles above the waist. This means I could have shot you an email, posted on here, or made a phone call...and I have done none. For that I offer my deepest apologies. My cell phone number is 374-8647 and my email is rdreid7602@gmail.com. Feel free to call or email anytime that you would like.
With that said, I would like to share a story with you. The experience I have had with becoming paralyzed has been the most challenging experience of my life. However, it has also been and will continue to be the most transformational experience of my life. As you can imagine, I am much more dependent on other people right now. One of the side effects of this whole experience has been that my right hand has become significantly weaker. I do not have that much grip with it and I do not have the normal range of movement with it because of the burns. This has caused me to need other people to open a pack of ketchup, to reach certain objects, etc. I am also bed ridden most of the day. All of the stuff I use - food, the computer, my cell phone, books - are stored on tables that slide over my bed. However, often times these tables are stored outside of my reach. This requires me to call a nurse or ask someone that is in the room to push the table closer so I can reach it. I am currently allowed to sit up in a chair for 2 hours a day. The chair they are putting me in cannot be wheeled by me because it doesnt have big wheels. It has to be pushed by someone else. This means that even when I am sitting up I still need someone else to push me around. This level of dependency is EXTREMELY frustrating for me. As result, when I am in therapy, I am pushing myself really hard because I want to be more independent. I get frustrated with my progress because by this point I wanted to be able to be in my wheel chair, able to roll myself around, and not need other people as much as what I do.
I tell you all of this not to gain sympathy, of which I want none, but to say that I understand the desire of wanting things to change faster than what they are able to be changed. All of the independence I want now is going to take time and lots of effort to obtain. It is not possible for it to happen now, and in all honesty God wants it that way. The goals we set and the visions God gives us often take time to achieve. God is a god who is much more concerned with the process than the end result. God doesnt care when I become fully independent, because He wants to teach me and refine me during this process of realizing that goal.
I was reading Proverbs and came across this little gem that really sums up what I have been going through..."He who works his land will have abundant food, but he who chases fantasies lacks judgment." Working the land takes time. I have fantasies of the fast route, but God wants me to slow down and be refined by the journey.
You guys are working the land there in Eugene. I know it is easy to want things to happen fast. After all you guys are planting a church...churches are supposed to grow and yours hasnt. I think that is because God wants to spend some time working not only the soil there in Eugene but also the soil in your own hearts. I know it can be easy to have fantasies of what it could look like, but just take a while (and I am talking about months...not just 5-10 minutes) to let God do some work in you. God doesnt care about what your church looks like...He cares about refining you to be more like Him.
I havent been to a church service in months. I havent listened to a single sermon in months. I havent listened to a single worship song. Yet I have experienced church more in the past two months than any other time in my life. I have had people love on me and my family to such an extent that I have no choice but to sit back in awe. I have seen both friends and total strangers pour out of their hearts in the most profound ways. The effect it has had on me has been that it has softened my heart and caused me to want to pour into other peoples lives. God seems to use struggle and tragedy as His biggest tool to change our hearts. That is what I now understand church to be. It is living a life with other people that causes heart changes and makes you love God and other people more. This can take place with 10 people or 100.
So when you are evaluating the success of your church plant ask yourselves these questions:
Is your heart being softened or awakened in such a way that it causes you to love God and other people more?
Is your life and the way you live it, helping other people to have their hearts softened and awakened to love God and other people more?
Dont ask yourself these questions:
Have I gotten anyone saved?
Has our church grown?
Does our church plant look more like "normal" church?
Did I remember to make my bed? (why make your bed if your going to sleep in it again the next night?!?)
As an outsider looking in, it seems you are positionally exactly where God would want you to be. All of your jobs are relational. You live close to each other. You are getting involved in each others lives. You are being friendly to the people you meet and work with. What I cant judge as an outsider is where your hearts are at. It is easy to get sucked into worrying about positional type things, but my encouragement and prayer for you is that God would give you rest from worrying about those type things and instead allow you to focus on what God is doing in your heart to refine you and help you to love Him and people better.
I love you guys and am inspired by your constant desire to do what God wants you to do. Thanks for letting me journey with you.

Love,
RD

Oregon Facts:

Nothing profound here... just thought it was time to list these.
FACT:
-Eugene, Oregon was named the "greenest" city in America
-You can not pump your own gas in Oregon
-You can not buy hard liquor in a grocery store. beer and wine, however is everywhere and is refrigerated for you. you can buy alcohol on Sundays, but the liquor stores close at like 8.
-Recycling is way easier here
-Nutria will steal your bread, look'em up
-There are no tornadoes and lightening is rare. forest fires, however, are normal.
-Fall lasts about 9 months
-Beer is cheaper than pop
-There is no sales tax
-Drive thru coffee stands are in parking lots everywhere
-You may get killed for saying anything negative about the Ducks (football)
-Residents of Oregon are called "Oregonians"
-There are way too many spiders here and they bit me in my sleep
-The whole town shuts down for an inch of snow
-Oregon is the only state where assisted suicide is legal. You would think people would come here as they get older instead of Florida, but whatever.
-Snails come out in the rain and no matter how many I move off the sidewalk, my neighbors still step on them :(
-There are cougars, bears, and elk. oh. my.
-Oregon has a very high homeless population and a very high unemployment rate
-You can not drive anywhere during a ducks home game
-The local news team has trouble reading the teleprompter
-You can often get plane tickets to Portland for $200 during non-holiday time (hint hint)

-Cj

Treading water

I'm so wordy when I write these things, and try to sound all deep and philosophical. So I erased it. And I am trying over. How am I doing? Ha, I'm glad you asked; I'll tell ya. I'm more aware now than ever that there is a spiritual world that fights over us. I'm not saying that we have no control over our lives (although each day I'm finding that I have less control than I think). In a way, I feel very valued that two sides want me bad enough that they are fighting over me--all those gym class nightmares of being picked last are washing away:). One example...my heart was starting to hurt from work...I have this amazing job where we get to be up front with some serious needs young adults have and try to ease those needs. It's amazing. But at the same time, our hands are tied by the program. Even though I know a kid is hungry, or has no way to earn money, I can't give him mine. It is a feeling that embodies powerlessness. I was building up with that feeling until last wed at housechurch. (ps...i'm finding more and more that those subtle emotions that grow are one of the biggest warfare tricks used on me) It was the end of church, and we were praying. I didn't know a lot of what to say, it was kind of the epitamy of frusteration with God. Then He gave me this little gift while I was praying...to ask for help for my kids. I don't know why the thought hadn't crossed my mind-I'm ashamed to say that it didn't, but it was amazing how much peace was given to me in that moment of clarity. One small battle that God won.
I felt honored to be given the eyes to see that battle. Most of the time I feel very out of the loop until that whole hindsight thing kicks in. We went camping this weekend at this beautiful reservoir where the water was this amazing tropic color *c cj's photos. There was a point when we were all settled and exploring the landscape. There was a bay, and D was navigating the terrain around it and was halfway around to the other side. Well, my adventure itch kicked in, and I got the idea to swim across the bay...#1 because I wanted to see what was around the corner, #2 because I don't get to swim in mountain lakes very often and wanted to prove I could do it, and #3 I wanted to see if I could get across faster by swimming than walking around on shore. So after being wishy washy for a min. I got enough confidence from my girls and plopped in. As I was reaching halfway (with my breath being sucked out from the cold water and little waves and nervousness) I ended up doing this funky side stroke (:) I felt like my mom) and treading water thing. Ha, and you would think that treading water in the middle of a bay of cold mountain lake water, as you start to get doubts and wonder why the heck you are so crazy, you would think that it would be a foreign feeling. Nope. How much of my life do I feel like I am treading water, oblivious to the bigger picture, just trying to make it across. And then as little cold waves get a little to close to comfort to your breathing, you start to panic.
I don't really know what all of this means, as Stacie would say, I am word vomiting. I know reading long blogs can be tiring:) so I thank you for putting up with me. I didn't want the tone of this to be negative, cause I think that it's amazing all the things that I am learning...number one, that I'm really glad I jumped in. Thank you for encouraging me to "jump".
Sarah

Beautiful Inconvenience

This weekend we took a camping trip and, by mistake, stumbled across an utterly breath-taking site. Initially we had set out to discover a spot that was suggested to us by someone else. In the process we found ourselves passing roads, making U-turns and wondering where in the heck this place could be. We of course had all the useful tools: maps, GPS system, and all things necessary to make you feel secure in an unknown place. But, even still we never found the place for which we’d set out. However, we did discover something more, something greater, something more beautiful than what we had imagined at the start of our journey.

I find such experiences popping up often in my life. I have a plan and begin to run myself ragged in pursuit when all of the sudden, when I feel completely of course, I am slapped in the face with His far more beautiful plan that leads me through a variety of different steps along the way (Proverbs 16:9). These steps are at first unwelcome and seem quite inconvenient; yet, in time, prove to be for my benefit and typically far beyond all I’d hoped and imagined (Ephesians 3:20-21). In the midst, I often find myself refusing to fully live into this truth (I’m sure no one knows what I’m talking about ;) ). I know it and want to believe it, but must also allow the process to take its course in my heart in order for the glory to go to God rather than…me.

I am beginning to listen to the subtle reminders to smile upon the unwelcome "inconveniences" and allow Him to free me from myself, my plan. It’s a lifetime commitment and process. But, worth it, no doubt.

Staci

The Invitation!

So my hot wife surprised me with one of the best birthday gifts of my entire life the other week. As I began to open what I thought was a shoe box with a new pair of shoes, I quickly realized it was just a diversion tactic to make me 'think' it was a new pair of shoes. Inside the box was a letter that said "Happy Birthday! Your birthday gift is a weekend adventure of whitewater rafting in West Virginia." I was freakin' out! What a wonderful gift. Rachel thought it would be good to get my mind off the fact that our house still had not sold and this would be the perfect adventure. She couldn't have been more on point. So my wife and I and the kids left that weekend and took off for West Virginia to tackle one of the world's best whitewater rafting trips, the Upper Gauley. You can google it if you want, but it is one of the most dangerous whitewater rafting trips in the world. There are over 40 rapids including 5 class V which are the toughest. As a matter of fact, one of the class V is called "Pillow Rock" and is the most photographed class V rapid in the world. So needless to say, this trip was amazing. It was an incredible adventure filled with easy waters and hard waters, laughter and fear, messing up and learning from our mess ups, falling out and getting back in, and so forth. Two things really struck me throughout this trip. One was the extreme importance of listening to our guide who was in the boat with us. He had been down the river numerous times and knew what He was doing. If we just followed his lead, everything was going to be cool regardless of what we faced. The other was that I got to share this adventure with my wife. Sitting next to her on the boat and experiencing the adventure with her with all it's unpredictability was so much better than if I had done it by myself.

Dallas Willard writes in his book, The Divine Conspiracy, "Jesus has invited us to make a pilgrimage - into the heart and life of God." The journey into the heart of life of God is nothing short of the greatest adventure we will ever be invited into. The adventure God invites us into leads to abundant life, just as God designed. No doubt there are times of easy and hard waters, laugher and fear, falling down and getting back up, but it's all a part of the adventure. Through it all we are formed into the image of God, which has always been our destiny. There are two things that stand out regarding the invitation. One is that it's accepted and embraced by following Jesus. Jesus' simple, yet life changing call throughout the gospels is to "follow me." Following Jesus is the collision of faith and obedience. The two can not be separated. We are beckoned to keep our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who perfectly demonstrated the life God intended for us to live and invites us to walk in his footsteps. The other reality is that the adventure is maximized when we share it with others. It's not that we "have" to experience the adventure together, we "get" to experience the adventure together. This is what the Church is all about. The people of God declaring the praises of God so that the world can see how much God loves them. Isn't the Church beautiful!!

I am so thankful that God has invited us to Himself. I am so thankful that He sent Jesus to allow us access to Himself. I am so thankful that Jesus perfectly demonstrated the life we were intended to live. I am so thankful that Jesus left his Holy Spirit to empower us to live fully into the adventure. And I am so thankful for the Church, my brothers and sisters in Christ, who I get to journey with into the heart and life of God. What an incredible God!!!!

Clint

Refreshed

It was a great night of being together as a church. We just shared with each other what has been going on in our lives, where we have seen God lately, and listening. I was again reminded of John 10:10. So many times we encounter the thief who wants to come and destroy us. It can be anything in our life. For me, I just don't always recognize there is someone who is trying to come out and destroy me. I was challenged to continually remember we are at a war. Then it hit me that I feel that I am not able to live into the fullness of life that God has planned out for me unless I daily turn to Him.





(This pic is what i imagine spiritual warfare looks like. -Cj)






I love this city. It is starting to feel like home and other people on the team feel the same way. It's crazy, but we have almost been here for 2 months...WOW!!

Much love,
Stacie :)

Quiet.

"That day when evening came, he said to his disciples, 'Let us go over to the other side.' Leaving the crowd behind, they took Him along, just as He was, in the boat. There were also other boats with Him. A furious squall came up, and the waves broke over the boat, so that it was nearly swamped. Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion. The disciples woke Him and said to Him, 'Teacher, don't You care if we drown?' He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, 'Quiet! Be still!' Then the wind died down and it was completely calm. He said to his disciples, 'Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?' They were terrified and asked each other, 'Who is this? Even the wind and the waves obey Him!'"

As I read this passage in Mark the other day, I was refreshed beyond words. The very first thing that struck me in this story is that Jesus told the disciples that they were going over to the other side. Of course, Jesus being God knew they were in for quite the storm, but He journeyed out into the sea anyways. I think that being here in Eugene is kinda like going out into the sea. I felt the calling, and not knowing exactly what we were getting ourselves into, I followed. Now that I am here and still searching for a job, I can feel the storm raging on. Much like the disciples, I am beginning to get a little uneasy. Meanwhile, the Gospel says, Jesus was taking a nap on a cushion. I mean, who sleeps on a cushion in the middle of a storm?! And, unfortunately, much like the disciples, I am rushing over to that cushion to wake Jesus up. I want Him to help me out, to save me from this storm, to get me a stinkin' job! Of course, Jesus gets up, tells the storm who's boss, and all is calm. It is the next statement that hits me like a Mack truck, "Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?" Whoa. Here I am, wondering when this storm is going to subside, hoping to be saved from this "unknown," and I forgot all the while that Jesus can step in anytime and command quiet. I realize that Jesus knowingly took the disciples into the storm to test their faith. He took a nap on that cushion to further test their faith, and finally, had to prove His faithfulness by telling the storm what's up. I want to allow Jesus to take His nap. I want to wait for His timing. So here I am in this proverbial storm, waiting for the Quiet.

Joyful

Well, Stacie spilled my beans:) but I have a fabulous job...and am pumped beyond words about it. I had my first day today, and I found myself thinking that this job couldn't be more perfect for me right now. The pace is so much slower than what I was doing before, and to be honest:) I find it refreshing. There is definitely a whirlwind going on around me right now...quite a change from a week ago. So I know this is short, but just wanted to tell you all in person...well, kind of in person...about this fabulous gift.
Sarah

The secret of being content!

So I guess I will finally venture into the realms of "blogging." Mind you I never got better than a 'B' on any substantial paper in my life, unless of course it was a group project and someone much smarter than myself was the primary editor, like my wife in PT School. None the less, I am excited to join the club. Rachel and I and the family still reside in Greenwood awaiting the sale of our house. I've never had to wait on the Lord to this extent before. Needless to say it's a new journey filled with many life lessons and emotions. I was really convicted, encouraged, and intrigued by a particular passage yesterday as I listened during the communion meditation at church. The scriptural reference was Philippians 4:10-13 and it was verse 12 that really hit me...'I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation.' As I processed this passage later that afternoon a few questions and thoughts surfaced in my mind. What does it mean to be content? Am I content or am I always wanting something more? Why is being content important in the kingdom of God? Two words really jumped off the page, "learned" and "secret." Paul says he "has learned" the secret of being content meaning that being content is not something we get with the wave of a magic wand. Rather, it is something that is learned over time through life's ever-changing circumstances. In addition, there is a "secret" to being content. What in the world is the secret? It seems as though Paul is saying that it took times of plenty and times of need to learn this secret of being content. Maybe through all of those circumstances, Paul began to focus less on the circumstances, which were always changing, and more on that which never changed, namely Jesus. Maybe the secret is that we learn to focus less on those things we can see and more on that which we can't see. Just a note, Paul was in prison while writing this letter. So I feel kind of silly viewing this passage through the lenses of my house not selling but it's the reality of my present condition. I guess I am just asking that God uses my circumstances to teach me the secret of being content, namely that I stop focusing so much on whether or not my house is going to sell this week and start focusing on the spiritual formation into the image of Jesus. Unfortunately I can't do this on my own. Fortunately, I don't have to. For "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength." (Philippians 4:13).

God Bless,

Clint

Things are good

Things are pretty calm here in beautiful Eugene. We have good news with one of our team members, Sarah. Rejoice with us because Sarah now has a job being a teacher at a school called New Roads, which gears towards supporting homeless youth. She is super excited about it and so are we!

I am currently reading a book and read this passage yesterday. "The Bible has many stories about people called by God out of the familiar to an unknown land. And he promises them if they will step out on faith and live his way, he will lead them to a better land. "By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going" (Heb. 11:8) Change is frightening. It may comfort you to know, that if you are afraid, you are possibly on the right road - the road to change and growth."

I absolutely loved that passage. I hope that is encouraging for you in your life. It was definitely encouraging to me as I read that yesterday.

On a side note: CJ and I took a little road trip to the West Cascades yesterday, which were absolutely beautiful. Talk about Gods glory being shown in his beautiful creation! Here are some pictures from our adventure. (Maybe this will make you want to come out and visit the team! haha)

Much love,
Stacie :)

Let us run

Let me start by saying how thankful I am for this time of learning and humbling. Clint was supposed to have left with his parents for Oregon 2 days ago, our house is now listed for less than what it was when we bought it 4 years ago, and our dear friend is lying in a hospital bed in excruciating pain after yet another surgery. To say the least, nothing is going the way we planned it. We know that this is the way God usually works, right?, always orchestrating life so differently than what we see, or think we see. We are often guilty of attempting to normalize God, thinking that life should play out a certain way and questioning when it doesn't. We know that we should trust while waiting, but our heart is not always there. At some point though, we surrender...and stop doubting, stop wanting answers, stop reasoning, and we are able to praise our Lord for his unexplainable ways, his untameable ways.

Our friend in the hospital, RD, has ministered more to his visitors rather than the other way around. He is constantly showing gratitude to the nurses, even the janitorial staff. He offers life-giving words to the people around him while he fights for his life. His wife Jill has also been fighting, for joy and strength, and both have stood firm, unwavering in their faith, praising and thanking God along the way. So, let us thank God for his ways being so far from normal, and while we wait, let us run...let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us (Heb 12).

Rachel McKinnis

Waiting

Waiting on the Lord...
This has been an interesting phrase that has been on my heart for the last week or so. I understand that there is trust involved in waiting on something or someone, but how does that trust continue to build when times get tough? I have always found it easy to trust God and others when things are going well or situations are falling into place the way that I invision them; I am a little nervous to pray or ask God to teach me how to trust when things are not going exactly as planned! ha ha. I think He is teaching me this now whether I asked Him to or not. Stacie Nickelson shared a verse last week at house church that has stuck with me since then... Romans 8:24-25. It is the hope for what do not yet have, and wait patiently for that makes my heart and mind rest a little. I pray that as a team and individually we truly learn what it means to Wait On The Lord!

Current.

Greetings from Eugene. It is currently 12:57 a.m. and I am sitting in front of this MacBook with thoughts flowing through my mind that I can't seem to stop or even ignore to escape to my slumber.

So, I write.

I've found this blogging to be therapeutic at times; so, please excuse me while I take full advantage of this avenue of expression. I continue to sound like a broken record within my own head, questioning my purpose in Eugene. Somehow, I get swept up in this current of thoughts and feelings, and convince myself that I should doubt or feel uneasy. It would only make sense, in my finite mind, that if I am feeling peace through a time of unemployment and a decreased social network, that I have somehow missed it. I have been reading "The Shack" by William P. Young, and have learned a great deal from this brilliant, fictional story. Mack, the lead character, has built up a resistance to God because of some tragic events in his life, and has formulated questions needing answers. I know Mack. Mack is me...minus the tragic events. In this beautiful pursuit of God toward Mack, he learns of this amazing, unfailing love. All of these questions that he has angrily stashed away, come flooding out; however, it is not on his own agenda. God meets Mackenzie Phillips exactly where he stands, angry, bitter, and full of resentment.

In the same way, I feel like I've built up all of these questions here in Eugene. I want God to answer them all now, leaving out no details. Throughout the story, God appears to Mack as a glowing, older African-American woman. Now, we could probably debate at this point about God being a man or woman, but we'll save that for another time (or maybe not another time). The point of God's female appearance is that He was exactly who Mack needed Him to be. Mack needed to know that God is compassionate and gentle, much like a loving grandmother. It is also important to point out that God's purpose in all of this was to glorify Himself more through Mack's life. He works through all things to glorify Himself. That's not egocentric. That's God.

God continues to reveal Himself more fully to us, the city Eugene, and the whole world. He meets us where we're at for His sake and for His glory. Isn't it beautiful? Please continue to pray that we will get lost in God's current, taking us wherever He wants us to be.

Sleep awaits. Goodnight.

colb

Cheap Reminder

A few of us went to see the second Narnia movie today at the $1.50 place. This is the second time I've seen it. The first time was back in Indy, at a time when I was not happy about moving to Eugene. A few scenes stick in my mind...
One is where and entire army is charging across a bridge. On the other side stands Lucy, a small girl with a small dagger. She stands with no fear in her eyes as the army charges because she knows who is beside her and who is really going to fight the battle, Aslan. Lucy to me, represents faith.
The other scene only became clear today. At the end, Aslan opens a door to the other world (our world) and asks who wants to go through. At the time, I felt like I was standing at that door and had to choose whether or not I would follow what was in front of me. It was just one of those moments where I thought, "Really? Am I really going to do this?"
After seeing that movie the first time, I had a bit of a break down. I didn't want to leave my friends and family. I fought with God and I sat on a friend's porch and cried quite a bit. I had to remind myself to have faith, like Lucy on the bridge, that God knows what He is doing and I can trust Him, even if it means moving to the other side of the country.
Seeing this today, I wish I could say that it was completely different this time. I feel more like an ant with a bread crumb than a girl with a dagger- even smaller and completely ill prepared for what's in front of me. What could I possibly do here in the place with my bread crumb? Why did I move here? But yet again, I had to remember my calling, who is beside me, and who is really going to take care of everything- Liam Neeson. I MEAN- Jesus.
(That reminder only cost a dollar fifty. I have a feeling the others will not come so cheap.)
-CJ (aka Carol)

Goodness

Why hello there!

So we had our first house church in Eugene last Wed. At that point I realized that I had refused to process anything really, and it definitely flooded over me. Very intensely. So I decided to process. And since then I have been denied the one job I was kind of counting on (mostly because it was the only one that I saw was available), and I started to worry about money. Which is kind of rare for me. And I hated it. I found myself in this balancing act between hoarding what money I have left for the future, and wanting to be as free with my money as I usually am. After talking with a few wiser than me people, I realized two major things. Number one, it is a balancing act, but how much am I really trusting God if I find myself trying to control my financial fate. And number two, give my time! That is something that I have so much of right now that I NEVER do. Such simple solutions.

I love God and the way He works. I was struggling because I didn't feel like I was living into who God has called me to be; I felt very much like a failure. But since realizing and processing, I feel like I've been switched on. Jobs that I normally wouldn't have thought of, but find myself passionate towards keep popping up. Mind you, I don't have one yet, but just the prospect is exciting. I went to the market today, just to hang out. It was fabulous. I've found a spot I want to be a part of. It's outside the courthouse, and almost feels like an alternative to the consumer-ness of the market. A group of guys sit around and play drums, and cowbell (which i so hoped to here more of:)) and other random instruments. Groups of kids, who seemed a little ragged, hung out with each other. A little girl sat and swapped fruit with me. Random guys were sword fighting with duct taped whiffle bats. A guy wearing just a kilt and rope shoes sat smoking through this odd shaped leather pipe for hours. Lots of weed. I had such an emotional response of joy and pain for humanity. I loved it. Sarah

A cup o' Joe, a lost application, and a parking ticket...

Hey there!

Things here in Eugene seem to be heating up quite a bit. The weather has been abnormally hot the past couple of days reaching the mid to high 90's. We hear that Indiana has had some "Eugene-like weather". I can't lie; I'm a little upset about that. So...it's been a pretty busy week this past week, as searching for jobs has overtaken most of our lives. Drew, Derek, and I have managed to step away from that for a few hours to play the occasional game of frolf. We originally thought it would be good to get away from the frustration of not finding jobs just yet, but quickly realized that the frolf course out here is HARD. So, we continue to play trying to conquer what seems to be unconquerable (is that a word?).

Two days ago I decided to go downtown to have a cup of coffee at the local Starbucks because I received a gift certificate from Jenny before I left for Oregon. As I was sitting there reading outside a gentleman approached me asking for some spare change to buy a cup of coffee. Startled, I looked up to see a man dressed in dirty clothes, enveloped with a full beard, and wearing a ball cap to cover his "not-so-clean" hair. After buying him a cup of coffee in at Starbucks I invited him to sit down with me. He hesitated, but then gladly accepted. As we sat there and talked over the next hour, I learned all about Ward's family, past jobs, and current struggles. Ward is epileptic. It's hard for him to get a job because of the severity of condition. (Time out: I could sit here and type out Ward's life story, but I will not drag this out) I tell you this to share the battles that were taking place within my own heart. I sat there genuinely interested, but found myself judging whether his story was true or not. Maybe he really didn't have epilepsy... Maybe his second wife really didn't die of alcoholism... Or maybe I had painted Ward with the wrong brush. Were we all not painted with God's beautiful brush from the beginning? God has really shown me a new type of love the past couple of days. I continue to pray, and would ask for you all to as well, for a greater love for God's people here in Eugene.

After our conversation I headed over to the public library to sign up for my new library card. After I signed up, I headed up to the Internet room to finish a job application and print it off. After working on the application for about an hour I discovered my time on the computer was almost up (there was a 60 minute limit). I pressed print, and then headed over to the printer to collect my work. It didn't print. I repeated the process, but still received no results. I inquired about the status of my application if my time ran out on the computer, and the response was, "You'll lose everything." Great! This was just wonderful. After a few troubleshooting processes, the printing failed. I panicked, and then realized I was helpless. I lost it all. After talking with one of the library staff members, I started for the car. I walked out only to find a parking ticket....FOR $30!!!!! Lesson learned....don't overpark in Eugene, Oregon.

By this time I was very frustrated, and really wanted to give up for the day. I had started to believe that I would not be able to get this position because of the computer malfunction. Isn't God much larger than this? Drew and I were talking the other evening about the need for God because of the way He works through ALL things. God's going to provide jobs for us, not by our strength and timing, but by His. Please pray that we all enter into a state of submission to Him through this difficult time of finding jobs in a community whose job market is poor. We love you all, and I hope things are well back in Indiana (or wherever you're reading this from)!

-colb

Starting to feel like home

Hi friends! As previously noted in the post before this one we made it to EUGENE! This is Stacie here writing to you from our lovely shaded apartment, which is GREAT because it's 98 degrees outside and the apartments here don't have air conditioning. No worries though for it does feel pretty cool inside, unless you play Dance Dance Revolution then it's just stinkin hot. ;) The picture of us girls up there are who are sharing this apartment. Sarah is on the left, CJ in the middle, and I am on the right. It's a little blurry, but it basically shows us at our finest!! Then ya got me hanging out of the truck...don't worry, I'm smart enough to know not to drive a truck like that. :) And the last picture is the view CJ got the whole journey across the US. She even had to put her hazards on going up the mountain for the good ole' Penske Truck wasn't enjoying the climb up the "hills". You would have never guessed that with the crazy fast speed of 35 miles an hour she got going up the "hills". Don't underestimate the craziness of these "hills" as they say over here. They were MADNESS!!!! Yes, I survived, but was pretty scared traveling up them. It's ok, we got here safe and sound! Thank goodness! I think one thing pretty much all of us agree on is that we don't want to drive across the country again for a long time nor are we going to move any time soon! :)

One really great thing about where we are all living is that we are all walking distance from each other. We couldn't believe how that worked out and are pretty blessed by it! God knows what He is doing and has been completely faithful to us in that aspect! :)

We just need prayer right now and would love for you to join us in prayer for these things: 6 of us don't have jobs so it's a hard time on the team, Clint and Rachel's house hasn't been sold yet, but we are praying confidently that it will be sold soon so they can get out here and join us, prayer for the fact that we are miles and miles away and we are starting to feel the reality of how hard it is to not be in Indy, prayer for RD Reid and his family as he was in a lawn mower accident a couple of days ago and has no movement from his waist down and has extensive burns to his right side of his body (currently he is in the burn unit at Wishard), and pray that we love each other in the places where we are at wherever that may be. Each day is different and new, and causes all of us to go through so many different emotions. We are just starting to adjust to a new place, which means getting lost a lot and not having a clue where anything is yet. We are excited to be here and know God is with us out here!

Much love to you all! We do think about you, our friends and family, a lot and appreciate all of you!

Stacie :)

New and Confused

So, here we are sitting on our new front porch (concrete slab really), and enjoying a lovely Oregon night.  Staci and I are really excited to be here, mostly because the driving and unpacking are over.  We have been in Eugene for 5 days now and are adjusting to a new town, new apartment, and a whole new time zone.  We have gone out on little exploratory adventures to check out the city, but have found out that we have no idea where anything is.  As I drive, I have the map in one hand, and the "I'm sorry I cut you off wave" motioning with the other.  But, it is fun to get lost and confused, at least that is what I keep telling Staci!  We have experienced some pretty cool things the past few days, but I think the coolest experience came tonight.  You see, one thing I have been praying and meditating on since we have been here is to take my time and just "be" in the day I am in.  My mind tends to meander its way to ideas that I don't want to have.  Does that make sense?  If not, then welcome to my world, ha!  So, I am trying to take it all in and just enjoy the day-to-day experiences.  Of course, I want to meet people, start lovin' on them, make them my friends, have them over for coffee and conversation, and show them Christ.  However, I must rest in the fact that God is perfect and His timing is perfect just the same.  So, I am realizing that it is my job to enjoy the newness and confusion that is upon me in my new home.  Oh, I almost forgot to tell you about tonight.  Staci and I are just sitting down to dinner, delicious homemade hawaiian pizza, when one of our neighbors and his friend walk up.  We have not met our new neighbor yet, so this is the first chance we get.  The first thing I notice is that he has two recognizable items in his had...frisbees for disc golf!  Awesome! Anyways, we begin to talk with the two guys, both name Aaron, and have a great conversation. Our neighbor is excited to find out that we are here in a Church planting effort because although he is not a church-goer, he is looking forward to having deep spiritual conversations with me.  I say great, bring it on.  And then I think, crap, I better get studying!  It was the first real conversation Staci and I have had with anyone here, and it is encouraging.  We are trying to be in today, and tomorrow, we will be in tomorrow.  God is working here in Eugene.  We are humbled to be with Him here.  Have a great week everyone!

I had this whole blog written about how I don't understand God's timing in my life. It was very depressing actually:) And at the bottom I asked for God's peace...the kind that Staci had before she left where she was ok with leaving everyone. As I was typing it out, I had this weird feeling that I was asking for something that I already had, and that I was asking for it out loud just to make it known. Leaving stinks. A lot. I keep hanging out with people expecting it to be the last time in awhile, but then keep making plans to hang out 1 more time....(ask me how I'm doing at the end of the week when I don't get any more "one more times")...and that has kept my emotions at bay. But even though this process really hurts, I know that without a doubt, God wants me to experience this and go. And I think that peace comes from that knowledge. And I know that we all have that; I've seen it in people's eyes. So as I write down my thoughts, I leave feeling like I haven't said anything prophetic or inspiring, but I wanted to freeze this moment for myself and everyone else in my church...as things get even crazier in the weeks to come, right now my "joy" comes in the form of peace. True, it's peace covered by layers of frusteration and anxiety. But it's there. And I had to stop and write competely different drafts in order to see it. This is an intense journey. Sarah K.

Is anyone reading this?

Since I found out about this blog site, I've been reluctant to post anything because of the simple fact of others seeing how I'm struggling. Here's the thing...IT'S DIFFICULT RIGHT NOW.

So, in an attempt to process some of what I'm feeling/experiencing right now, I'd like to share with you, and more than likely in fragmented thoughts, what's going on inside of my mind/heart. I'm currently in Austin, TX at the National Worship Leaders Conference and am experiencing God in some very cool ways. God has once again proven to me that He is good and that He is justly and graciously in control of my life. I didn't want to come and gain a mass of knowledge about how to "pull off" a sound worship service, but, wanted to learn how to live into becoming a tool that is used to lead people to the throne of God. As I walked into the sanctuary here at Riverbend Church, I quickly felt walls being built within my heart. This church building's appearance and setup encompassed precisely what I have been "turned off" by in the suburban church of Bible-belt America. With that being said, I am in no way saying Riverbend Church is not pursuing God, or doing great works for God's Kingdom; however, I am trying to point at the battles going on within myself. So from the minute I stepped into the church up 'til now, I've attempted to deconstruct the very barriers that have been preventing me from experiencing God fully here in Austin. So, I pray.

Yesterday, Matt Redman led a worship set starting with Blessed Be Your Name. Now, I've sang/led this song many times and have grown to love it, but also have grown comfortable with it (comfort can be a dangerous thing...comfort turning into discomfort can also be a dangerous thing). The past couple of weeks I have been having conversations with God about why He gives then takes away. Why do I have a great family, but feel like they are being taken away by this calling I have for Eugene? Why, when everything was going well at One|Accord, do a group of us decide to step out into the unknown and have things be made difficult? Why, when I start to develop such a love and adoration for a young lady, do I feel like I'm being ripped away from that close proximity? It's simple...

I don't have a clue.

But, yesterday reminded me that I must choose everyday to cry out "blessed be Your name, Lord. You are truly my strength in time of need and my Sustainer in life."

You give and take away.
You give and take away.
My heart will choose to say.
Lord, blessed be Your name.

It's a choice each day. Paul writes in Romans 5, "Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character, and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." He doesn't say that we should beg and plead with God to bring understanding to our sufferings, but that we should rejoice. And for me right now, that means that I must choose to say, "blessed be Your name." But what about these feelings of sadness, anger, frustration, etc.? I know they are valid. I know they are real. This morning in a main session, Dr. Leonard Sweet spoke about our lives being a holistic experience (mental, emotional, spiritual), instead of it being fragmented and our mental, emotional, and spiritual being separate from each other. So much of our worship, or our lives in reaction to what God is doing, involves the mental, emotional, and spiritual. I think it's "ok" to feel frustration with things in life, but still be crying, "blessed be Your name."

This is long, and I apologize if you're still reading, but also thank you for sticking with this post. Love you all.

[colb]

Being present

I'm excited, nervous, happy, sad, and any other word you want to fill in for me. It's a time of transition. I knew that this time was going to happen for months now, but now it's really becoming real. Yes, I am moving out to Eugene. Yes, on Aug. 5 I leave with CJ and Sarah to Eugene. Yes, I am grieving the loss of leaving friends and family. Yes, I am an emotional nutcase at certain moments. Yes, I am excited for what God has in store for me and for the team. And yes, I am enjoying it. I don't know how I will feel when I actually get into the rental truck and head out of Indy with all my belongings. What will be going through my mind? I don't think I can mentally prepare for that sort of thing. But I'm excited for this new journey I'm on. It's such a new experience for me. One that I have to trust God in every step along the way. There's a lot of unknowns for me currently and it's easy for me to become fearful. Since I want control of my life fear takes over. Trusting by faith is something that God has been teaching me. I'm continuing to learn how to trust, let go of my own control, and just be present. I have 9 other people on the team that keep challenging me and loving me right where I am. And I have many other people in my life who are supporting me. I thank you. And I know that all of the team have people in their lives who are supporting them and I know that they thank you as well.

Until I leave to go out to Eugene I will be enjoying my time here in Indy with friends and family...my theme for the next couple of weeks will be to just be present.

Much love to you all,
Stacie :)

We're on the webernet!

Welcome to our blog... we will try to keep it updated!
Time is drawing near for us to leave Indianapolis and move to the other side of the country. Most of us have been preparing our hearts and minds as well as our friends and family for a while now. But we have all had our moments of doubt and questioning...
"God really? You really want me to do this? Leave friends and family, and move to a very different part of the country? and live? possibly forever?"
Some days it still seems crazy. Many of us have already gotten the "cult" question. Just for the record- no, it's not a cult. We are being sent by Common Ground Christian Church to live out our faith in a different place. You can call it a church plant if you like. We understand that some people really don't know what that means or understand all the reasons why we would do something like this... that's ok. But just know we are trying to do our best to follow Jesus where ever He leads us. :)