Goodness

Why hello there!

So we had our first house church in Eugene last Wed. At that point I realized that I had refused to process anything really, and it definitely flooded over me. Very intensely. So I decided to process. And since then I have been denied the one job I was kind of counting on (mostly because it was the only one that I saw was available), and I started to worry about money. Which is kind of rare for me. And I hated it. I found myself in this balancing act between hoarding what money I have left for the future, and wanting to be as free with my money as I usually am. After talking with a few wiser than me people, I realized two major things. Number one, it is a balancing act, but how much am I really trusting God if I find myself trying to control my financial fate. And number two, give my time! That is something that I have so much of right now that I NEVER do. Such simple solutions.

I love God and the way He works. I was struggling because I didn't feel like I was living into who God has called me to be; I felt very much like a failure. But since realizing and processing, I feel like I've been switched on. Jobs that I normally wouldn't have thought of, but find myself passionate towards keep popping up. Mind you, I don't have one yet, but just the prospect is exciting. I went to the market today, just to hang out. It was fabulous. I've found a spot I want to be a part of. It's outside the courthouse, and almost feels like an alternative to the consumer-ness of the market. A group of guys sit around and play drums, and cowbell (which i so hoped to here more of:)) and other random instruments. Groups of kids, who seemed a little ragged, hung out with each other. A little girl sat and swapped fruit with me. Random guys were sword fighting with duct taped whiffle bats. A guy wearing just a kilt and rope shoes sat smoking through this odd shaped leather pipe for hours. Lots of weed. I had such an emotional response of joy and pain for humanity. I loved it. Sarah