Goodness

Why hello there!

So we had our first house church in Eugene last Wed. At that point I realized that I had refused to process anything really, and it definitely flooded over me. Very intensely. So I decided to process. And since then I have been denied the one job I was kind of counting on (mostly because it was the only one that I saw was available), and I started to worry about money. Which is kind of rare for me. And I hated it. I found myself in this balancing act between hoarding what money I have left for the future, and wanting to be as free with my money as I usually am. After talking with a few wiser than me people, I realized two major things. Number one, it is a balancing act, but how much am I really trusting God if I find myself trying to control my financial fate. And number two, give my time! That is something that I have so much of right now that I NEVER do. Such simple solutions.

I love God and the way He works. I was struggling because I didn't feel like I was living into who God has called me to be; I felt very much like a failure. But since realizing and processing, I feel like I've been switched on. Jobs that I normally wouldn't have thought of, but find myself passionate towards keep popping up. Mind you, I don't have one yet, but just the prospect is exciting. I went to the market today, just to hang out. It was fabulous. I've found a spot I want to be a part of. It's outside the courthouse, and almost feels like an alternative to the consumer-ness of the market. A group of guys sit around and play drums, and cowbell (which i so hoped to here more of:)) and other random instruments. Groups of kids, who seemed a little ragged, hung out with each other. A little girl sat and swapped fruit with me. Random guys were sword fighting with duct taped whiffle bats. A guy wearing just a kilt and rope shoes sat smoking through this odd shaped leather pipe for hours. Lots of weed. I had such an emotional response of joy and pain for humanity. I loved it. Sarah

A cup o' Joe, a lost application, and a parking ticket...

Hey there!

Things here in Eugene seem to be heating up quite a bit. The weather has been abnormally hot the past couple of days reaching the mid to high 90's. We hear that Indiana has had some "Eugene-like weather". I can't lie; I'm a little upset about that. So...it's been a pretty busy week this past week, as searching for jobs has overtaken most of our lives. Drew, Derek, and I have managed to step away from that for a few hours to play the occasional game of frolf. We originally thought it would be good to get away from the frustration of not finding jobs just yet, but quickly realized that the frolf course out here is HARD. So, we continue to play trying to conquer what seems to be unconquerable (is that a word?).

Two days ago I decided to go downtown to have a cup of coffee at the local Starbucks because I received a gift certificate from Jenny before I left for Oregon. As I was sitting there reading outside a gentleman approached me asking for some spare change to buy a cup of coffee. Startled, I looked up to see a man dressed in dirty clothes, enveloped with a full beard, and wearing a ball cap to cover his "not-so-clean" hair. After buying him a cup of coffee in at Starbucks I invited him to sit down with me. He hesitated, but then gladly accepted. As we sat there and talked over the next hour, I learned all about Ward's family, past jobs, and current struggles. Ward is epileptic. It's hard for him to get a job because of the severity of condition. (Time out: I could sit here and type out Ward's life story, but I will not drag this out) I tell you this to share the battles that were taking place within my own heart. I sat there genuinely interested, but found myself judging whether his story was true or not. Maybe he really didn't have epilepsy... Maybe his second wife really didn't die of alcoholism... Or maybe I had painted Ward with the wrong brush. Were we all not painted with God's beautiful brush from the beginning? God has really shown me a new type of love the past couple of days. I continue to pray, and would ask for you all to as well, for a greater love for God's people here in Eugene.

After our conversation I headed over to the public library to sign up for my new library card. After I signed up, I headed up to the Internet room to finish a job application and print it off. After working on the application for about an hour I discovered my time on the computer was almost up (there was a 60 minute limit). I pressed print, and then headed over to the printer to collect my work. It didn't print. I repeated the process, but still received no results. I inquired about the status of my application if my time ran out on the computer, and the response was, "You'll lose everything." Great! This was just wonderful. After a few troubleshooting processes, the printing failed. I panicked, and then realized I was helpless. I lost it all. After talking with one of the library staff members, I started for the car. I walked out only to find a parking ticket....FOR $30!!!!! Lesson learned....don't overpark in Eugene, Oregon.

By this time I was very frustrated, and really wanted to give up for the day. I had started to believe that I would not be able to get this position because of the computer malfunction. Isn't God much larger than this? Drew and I were talking the other evening about the need for God because of the way He works through ALL things. God's going to provide jobs for us, not by our strength and timing, but by His. Please pray that we all enter into a state of submission to Him through this difficult time of finding jobs in a community whose job market is poor. We love you all, and I hope things are well back in Indiana (or wherever you're reading this from)!

-colb

Starting to feel like home

Hi friends! As previously noted in the post before this one we made it to EUGENE! This is Stacie here writing to you from our lovely shaded apartment, which is GREAT because it's 98 degrees outside and the apartments here don't have air conditioning. No worries though for it does feel pretty cool inside, unless you play Dance Dance Revolution then it's just stinkin hot. ;) The picture of us girls up there are who are sharing this apartment. Sarah is on the left, CJ in the middle, and I am on the right. It's a little blurry, but it basically shows us at our finest!! Then ya got me hanging out of the truck...don't worry, I'm smart enough to know not to drive a truck like that. :) And the last picture is the view CJ got the whole journey across the US. She even had to put her hazards on going up the mountain for the good ole' Penske Truck wasn't enjoying the climb up the "hills". You would have never guessed that with the crazy fast speed of 35 miles an hour she got going up the "hills". Don't underestimate the craziness of these "hills" as they say over here. They were MADNESS!!!! Yes, I survived, but was pretty scared traveling up them. It's ok, we got here safe and sound! Thank goodness! I think one thing pretty much all of us agree on is that we don't want to drive across the country again for a long time nor are we going to move any time soon! :)

One really great thing about where we are all living is that we are all walking distance from each other. We couldn't believe how that worked out and are pretty blessed by it! God knows what He is doing and has been completely faithful to us in that aspect! :)

We just need prayer right now and would love for you to join us in prayer for these things: 6 of us don't have jobs so it's a hard time on the team, Clint and Rachel's house hasn't been sold yet, but we are praying confidently that it will be sold soon so they can get out here and join us, prayer for the fact that we are miles and miles away and we are starting to feel the reality of how hard it is to not be in Indy, prayer for RD Reid and his family as he was in a lawn mower accident a couple of days ago and has no movement from his waist down and has extensive burns to his right side of his body (currently he is in the burn unit at Wishard), and pray that we love each other in the places where we are at wherever that may be. Each day is different and new, and causes all of us to go through so many different emotions. We are just starting to adjust to a new place, which means getting lost a lot and not having a clue where anything is yet. We are excited to be here and know God is with us out here!

Much love to you all! We do think about you, our friends and family, a lot and appreciate all of you!

Stacie :)

New and Confused

So, here we are sitting on our new front porch (concrete slab really), and enjoying a lovely Oregon night.  Staci and I are really excited to be here, mostly because the driving and unpacking are over.  We have been in Eugene for 5 days now and are adjusting to a new town, new apartment, and a whole new time zone.  We have gone out on little exploratory adventures to check out the city, but have found out that we have no idea where anything is.  As I drive, I have the map in one hand, and the "I'm sorry I cut you off wave" motioning with the other.  But, it is fun to get lost and confused, at least that is what I keep telling Staci!  We have experienced some pretty cool things the past few days, but I think the coolest experience came tonight.  You see, one thing I have been praying and meditating on since we have been here is to take my time and just "be" in the day I am in.  My mind tends to meander its way to ideas that I don't want to have.  Does that make sense?  If not, then welcome to my world, ha!  So, I am trying to take it all in and just enjoy the day-to-day experiences.  Of course, I want to meet people, start lovin' on them, make them my friends, have them over for coffee and conversation, and show them Christ.  However, I must rest in the fact that God is perfect and His timing is perfect just the same.  So, I am realizing that it is my job to enjoy the newness and confusion that is upon me in my new home.  Oh, I almost forgot to tell you about tonight.  Staci and I are just sitting down to dinner, delicious homemade hawaiian pizza, when one of our neighbors and his friend walk up.  We have not met our new neighbor yet, so this is the first chance we get.  The first thing I notice is that he has two recognizable items in his had...frisbees for disc golf!  Awesome! Anyways, we begin to talk with the two guys, both name Aaron, and have a great conversation. Our neighbor is excited to find out that we are here in a Church planting effort because although he is not a church-goer, he is looking forward to having deep spiritual conversations with me.  I say great, bring it on.  And then I think, crap, I better get studying!  It was the first real conversation Staci and I have had with anyone here, and it is encouraging.  We are trying to be in today, and tomorrow, we will be in tomorrow.  God is working here in Eugene.  We are humbled to be with Him here.  Have a great week everyone!

I had this whole blog written about how I don't understand God's timing in my life. It was very depressing actually:) And at the bottom I asked for God's peace...the kind that Staci had before she left where she was ok with leaving everyone. As I was typing it out, I had this weird feeling that I was asking for something that I already had, and that I was asking for it out loud just to make it known. Leaving stinks. A lot. I keep hanging out with people expecting it to be the last time in awhile, but then keep making plans to hang out 1 more time....(ask me how I'm doing at the end of the week when I don't get any more "one more times")...and that has kept my emotions at bay. But even though this process really hurts, I know that without a doubt, God wants me to experience this and go. And I think that peace comes from that knowledge. And I know that we all have that; I've seen it in people's eyes. So as I write down my thoughts, I leave feeling like I haven't said anything prophetic or inspiring, but I wanted to freeze this moment for myself and everyone else in my church...as things get even crazier in the weeks to come, right now my "joy" comes in the form of peace. True, it's peace covered by layers of frusteration and anxiety. But it's there. And I had to stop and write competely different drafts in order to see it. This is an intense journey. Sarah K.

Is anyone reading this?

Since I found out about this blog site, I've been reluctant to post anything because of the simple fact of others seeing how I'm struggling. Here's the thing...IT'S DIFFICULT RIGHT NOW.

So, in an attempt to process some of what I'm feeling/experiencing right now, I'd like to share with you, and more than likely in fragmented thoughts, what's going on inside of my mind/heart. I'm currently in Austin, TX at the National Worship Leaders Conference and am experiencing God in some very cool ways. God has once again proven to me that He is good and that He is justly and graciously in control of my life. I didn't want to come and gain a mass of knowledge about how to "pull off" a sound worship service, but, wanted to learn how to live into becoming a tool that is used to lead people to the throne of God. As I walked into the sanctuary here at Riverbend Church, I quickly felt walls being built within my heart. This church building's appearance and setup encompassed precisely what I have been "turned off" by in the suburban church of Bible-belt America. With that being said, I am in no way saying Riverbend Church is not pursuing God, or doing great works for God's Kingdom; however, I am trying to point at the battles going on within myself. So from the minute I stepped into the church up 'til now, I've attempted to deconstruct the very barriers that have been preventing me from experiencing God fully here in Austin. So, I pray.

Yesterday, Matt Redman led a worship set starting with Blessed Be Your Name. Now, I've sang/led this song many times and have grown to love it, but also have grown comfortable with it (comfort can be a dangerous thing...comfort turning into discomfort can also be a dangerous thing). The past couple of weeks I have been having conversations with God about why He gives then takes away. Why do I have a great family, but feel like they are being taken away by this calling I have for Eugene? Why, when everything was going well at One|Accord, do a group of us decide to step out into the unknown and have things be made difficult? Why, when I start to develop such a love and adoration for a young lady, do I feel like I'm being ripped away from that close proximity? It's simple...

I don't have a clue.

But, yesterday reminded me that I must choose everyday to cry out "blessed be Your name, Lord. You are truly my strength in time of need and my Sustainer in life."

You give and take away.
You give and take away.
My heart will choose to say.
Lord, blessed be Your name.

It's a choice each day. Paul writes in Romans 5, "Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character, and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." He doesn't say that we should beg and plead with God to bring understanding to our sufferings, but that we should rejoice. And for me right now, that means that I must choose to say, "blessed be Your name." But what about these feelings of sadness, anger, frustration, etc.? I know they are valid. I know they are real. This morning in a main session, Dr. Leonard Sweet spoke about our lives being a holistic experience (mental, emotional, spiritual), instead of it being fragmented and our mental, emotional, and spiritual being separate from each other. So much of our worship, or our lives in reaction to what God is doing, involves the mental, emotional, and spiritual. I think it's "ok" to feel frustration with things in life, but still be crying, "blessed be Your name."

This is long, and I apologize if you're still reading, but also thank you for sticking with this post. Love you all.

[colb]

Being present

I'm excited, nervous, happy, sad, and any other word you want to fill in for me. It's a time of transition. I knew that this time was going to happen for months now, but now it's really becoming real. Yes, I am moving out to Eugene. Yes, on Aug. 5 I leave with CJ and Sarah to Eugene. Yes, I am grieving the loss of leaving friends and family. Yes, I am an emotional nutcase at certain moments. Yes, I am excited for what God has in store for me and for the team. And yes, I am enjoying it. I don't know how I will feel when I actually get into the rental truck and head out of Indy with all my belongings. What will be going through my mind? I don't think I can mentally prepare for that sort of thing. But I'm excited for this new journey I'm on. It's such a new experience for me. One that I have to trust God in every step along the way. There's a lot of unknowns for me currently and it's easy for me to become fearful. Since I want control of my life fear takes over. Trusting by faith is something that God has been teaching me. I'm continuing to learn how to trust, let go of my own control, and just be present. I have 9 other people on the team that keep challenging me and loving me right where I am. And I have many other people in my life who are supporting me. I thank you. And I know that all of the team have people in their lives who are supporting them and I know that they thank you as well.

Until I leave to go out to Eugene I will be enjoying my time here in Indy with friends and family...my theme for the next couple of weeks will be to just be present.

Much love to you all,
Stacie :)